People
will always have opinions and expectations of you. They always have, and they
always will.
People’s
opinion of you will sometimes be justified, but more often than not they will
be uninformed, based on their perception of you or based on their emotional
state.
Sadly,
I have lived too much of my life worrying about what other people’s opinions
and expectations of me were or would be. Sometime this year I did an about face
and decided like Captain Hector Barbossa to do “what needed done” [sic] irrespective
of what anyone thought, said or felt.
Remember
that Ebenezer Obey song about the man, his son and their donkey? “Ketekete” I
believe it was called. That’s how easy it is to become a slave to the opinions
and expectations of others. When father and son rode the donkey, they were mean
and overworking the poor animal. When the son rode while the father walked, he
had no regard for the elderly. The father rode and he was mistreating his young
son. When finally they both decided to walk, they were laughed at as being
foolish. How could they have a donkey and not ride it?
I
haven’t been to the gym, gone running or done any form of exercise for well
over two months. Also I’ve been growing my hair for about three months now
(Yeah, I finally came around to growing an afro. Inspired by Sola Jegede, I
might add. Lol).
About
four out of every ten people who have seen my new look with the afro
(technically still a mini ‘fro) have told me they love the look, two out of ten
have said they don’t like the new look and the rest have simply just
acknowledged that I look different. In this case, you could argue that beauty
is in the eye of the beholder and that people’s idea of what is aesthetically
pleasing may differ.
But
now comes the really interesting part.
In
the past month, I’ve run into people who have told me I’ve lost weight, or that
I look trimmer. I’ve heard comments like, “Wow James, I can see you are really
working on yourself!” This from a colleague I see every working day of the week
and to a guy who hasn’t exercised in 2 months, eats as late as 11pm and still
eats lots of pastry. Best case scenario, I’d say I’ve kept a steady weight for
the last month or thereabouts. And then there are other people who say I’ve
grown bigger [For the records my fellow Nigerians, reference to a person’s
weight is not an acceptable form of greeting in any culture or society anywhere
in the world].
So
how do you explain this other than the fickleness of people’s opinions? Now
imagine trying to meet everyone’s expectations or live by other people’s
opinions. Like I said before, I have been there and I could write a treatise on
the internal conflict, self-doubt, emotional and mental strain that comes with
it. And trust me when I tell you it’s not a fun place to be.
